Da Vinci Code

Today’s post is about the Da Vinci Code.

Apparently, according to a new survey : “ …. revealed that readers of the Da Vinci Code book are twice as likely to believe Jesus Christ fathered children and four times as likely to think the Opus Dei is a murderous cult.”

Wow, I wonder if people think the Jedis are real and that there is a ‘Harry Potter’. Or is the level of gullibility tied to only books with religious content ?

Meanwhile, today online states that another group of people besides Christians who have something to complain about the Da Vinci Code. : … The United States-based National Organization for Albinism and Hypopigmentation also expressed unhappiness with an albino monk-assassin in the plot. The movie is said to be the 68th since 1960 to feature an evil albino.”

All this controversy is only putting money into the bank of Dan Brown, making him into a millionaire overnight. Thus, my new money making scheme …

“The Van Gough Mystery”, about hidden messages in The Sun flowers painting revealing that scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard is a time traveling alien clone !! [ cannot lah, later that Tom use his Mission Impossible team to get me how ?]

Ok, how about “The Munch Files” where clues in Munch’s painting “The scream” reveals the Macaulay Culkin is an immortal vampiric vegetarian. Eh, no religion so cannot.

or the “The Mozart Message”. If you record Mozart’s unfinished Requiem backwards and play it through your iPod while you hop on 1 leg, you will hear the secret message : Elvis is alive and living with Bruce Lee, Kurt Cobain and Jim Morrision in a mansion in the Bahamas. ( Elvis is a religion. I’ve checked. )

The book will feature trigger happy mailmen, evil mustached villains, beautiful dumb blondes and other stereotypes to drum up controversy.

Any publishers want to pay me an advance first ?

Disclaimer : The above post is a joke only ok. Don't take me seriously. I do not want to go to jail for inciting riots or causing religious disharmony. I do not want Elvis with explosives going to my house to blow it up ok.

Surprises in Life

Shocking surprises !

"Barney isn't real !"

"There is no Santa Claus ! "

"Luke I am your father."

"Pamela Anderson went for breast reduction surgery"

"Michael Jackson is married !"

"... and he has kids ! "

"The millions of dollars waiting for me in Nigeria is a scam ?"

My first children's story

This is my first attempt at writing a children's story. This is the text, I'll put the images up another day, once I figured out how to scan them in..

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Michael and Endod

Michael is a boy who lives with his Daddy and Mommy. One day, while his Daddy was out working, and his Mommy was busy preparing dinner, he started to get bored.

‘Mommy, can you play with me?’ pleaded Michael.
‘Not now dear, Mommy’s busy’, his mother replied. ‘Why don’t you play with some of your toy friends?’

‘But they cannot play with me …’ whispered Michael sadly.

Suddenly, he thought of an idea.
He started going around the house gathering various odds and ends. Soon, he had a big pile gathered in the center of the living room floor. He decided to built a robot to be his friend.

He took an old pan and attached a pair of binoculars to the side of the pan so that his robot can see far. Below that an old tape recorder was fixed to act as its mouth.

A metal box was used as the robot’s body and soft drink cans became the legs. Michael then attached 2 metal tins as the legs. The arms and hands were a pair of springs with magnets attached at the ends.

He wanted the robot to be smart, so he put in a CD-ROM encyclopedia inside its head. The robot should be full of love, so he opened its chest and put in his soft pillow made by his Mommy. In went a coloring book for fun and creativity. Finally, Michael threw in a hamster wheel to power the robot.

Michael called the robot Endod, for it was made with the ends and odds. And it came alive.

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Ways to make money

I'm been thinking of ways to earn more money. So if you guys have any suggestions, please go ahead.

However, they must be legal ( or at least not illegal ), and does not involve me selling my virtue or body, as I have no virtue nor any body that anyone would pay for.

Here are some of the ones I thought of :

a) Sell my Blood : wonder how much does the blood bank pay ? cookies and milo credits ?

b) write children books and make parents pay the sky for them, bwah ha ha. ( Seriously, I have this up in a couple of days time )

c) create a new children's show, and fleece the parents on merchandising. I could go 2 ways about this,

• Create a singing and dancing show, but I'll need someone to write really cheesy songs
• Or a japanese 'rangers' show, but I'll need cheesy special effects for these

I need volunteers to dress up in costumes for the above. Any one interested ? I'll pay peanuts !

d) steal some nuclear bomb and blackmail the world for 1 million dollars ! Bwah ha ha ha !!! On second thoughts, I'll only get attacked by Bush.

e) get everyone to donate to the make Sam rich fund. If I had 1 cent from everyone in singapore, I'll be 4 million dollars richer. Add to that all the foreign talent, I'll have another 2 milllion. Come on everyone, call that number, send that check !!

f) Create a new idol/superstar show. Or I need are some showbiz has-beens, some cute and/or pretty boys and girls, and a 1900 number. Here comes Mime Superstar !! no ? What abt So you think you can bagpipe ! or maybe Ah Beng/Lian Idol !!!

Remember, don't steal my ideas ah ! If you do, please send me some money ok ?

Later !

History in the making

Hello .... , is this thing on ???

Ok, welcome to the historical first posting of Bard's Tales by ehmm Sharr the Bard.

Years later, when you are relating this to your children (for those of you capable of reproducing with another compatible species), you will be able to tell them that you were here when Sharr uttered his first words of wisdom.

Here goes ..
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just kidding ..
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'Better to be a live chicken then a dead duck'